can I just have a blaaaa day?

Actually is it ok to have a blaaa week? A week when I'm just not on-to-it, and week when I can wander around kinda spaced out and not really act fully responsibly? Cause that's what its been like this week...kinda bla. I feel quite disconnected from the BIG GUY and that is not helping the situation. I know in life you go through stages of falling in and out of love with Him, and feelings are not enough to base a relationship on, but when my love is not even aroused by the thought of His amazingness I start to get worried. Has he withdrawn from me?

And then I start to realise...that time you (Alicia) spend in His word has been happening less and less frequently. The weeks you're on worship leading you seek Him, find Him and lead the people victoriously in His strength...why not the rest of the time? Why does my passion wane and I loose strength?

Ahhh, humanness and the sin of omission...

So I found myself asking, what should I do? This valley can only get deeper unless something changes, and deeper is not where I want to go just before I embark on a journey when HE is the only one I will have to depend on.

Then this morning my friend and mentor Mandy texted me and it was like she knew exactly what I'd been feeling, even though I haven't really been able to verbalise it till now. She asked me what HE required of me...and this came to mind:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does HE require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your FATHER."

- Micah Six Eight.

Again I have to come humbly back to the wood on the hill and lay myself bare. I am not worthy of his grace and mercy towards me. I am not worthy of forgiveness. But he is a good Father and he does not withhold these things from all who come to Him and ask. I admit I have walked in a proud way, alone and without Him because I thought I could do it. But I can't. I need to walk humbly with Him...Him who shines a light on my path and guides my ways. Then I can act justly and love mercy...then I can once again to commune with His beautifulness. Again I can start to see the light that shines out of his face, and the love which comes when he reaches out to embrace me. Even thinking about it brings me to tears. My Father loves me. My Father calls me back.

...I'm coming Father, I'm running back, I'm so sorry I went away, but I'm coming back. My lover, Father, friend and constant companion. You are the air I breathe, you are the songs I sing, you are my all...this prose I dedicate to you...